konfessions of the Koog

Long time, no write! Lots has happened since I last checked in with the residents of Koogville. Not much has happened, except we got pregnant, moved into a new house in a new state, changed jobs and had twins. Yes, TWINS!So, how did THAT happen? Let's start from the beginning. So, we had been trying for a baby for a while after losing one in December of 2009. We decided to switch to IVF to improve our chances. IVF is EXPENSIVE. Then I had a thought, "If we could buy in bulk the per unit price is lower, you know like buying a case of toilet paper at Costco." Mrs. Koog looked confused and briefly, terrified. I explained that if IVF costs $35K for the procedure, why not put like 4, 5 or 6 embryos up in there to decrease our chances of having to pay another $35K when we wanted to have another kid? Obviously, Mrs. Koog was not down with the idea of using her uterus as a "wombing house". She didn't like my puns about it either. Hey, she married me! ...

We did it! Mrs. Koog is pregnant with twins! Yay 2 little Koogs, coming in May 2011. I can't express how happy, relieved, terrified and overjoyed we are. Mrs. Koog is taking the 1st trimester in stride, although she is not vertical very much these days. Fatigue is setting in and so is a bit of the queasy's. All to be expected the Dr says. I'm keeping up with her appetite by planning ahead. Precut celery stuffed with peanut butter is the craving of the week and As for me, I'm profoundly in love. I can't stop thinking about them. I can't stop looking at her. I'm sunk. How am I dealing with it? In my usual neurotic Koog way. Plan, organize, replan, and reorganize. My current project is taking the A-ratinged Cribs, Strollers, High-Chairs and car seats from the "Baby Bargains" book and creating spreadsheets with the product name, manufacturer, price and local store information. What good is this information? I'm not sure, but it makes me f...

Lot 's has been going on lately, Koog-Fans. We've traveled some, cried some, laughed some and worked lots. Isaac, our puppy is approaching his 1st birthday and our beloved Bailey has been gone for nearly a year now but never forgotten. I'm happy that the Wife is nearly done with her away from home assignment and will rejoin the household full-time in a few short months. Now that life is settling down for us, we're preparing for our biggest project yet, a baby. Yes, a little Koog. Our very own bean-eating, video game playing, drum-banging, mini-Koog. Although, there is no "bun-in-the-oven" just yet, the planner that I am has begun the requisite preparation. I vacillate hourly between unbridled excitement and shear terror. Everyone tells me, "Dude, your life is going to change." That's exactly what freaks me out. I like my life. Actually, I LOVE my life. I am the center of my universe. I do what I want, when I want (...

For my b-day this year, I asked for toys. Again. For the 36 th time. Why can't I ask for adult things like restaurant gift cards, golf clubs or household items? I guess I could ask for these things, but the bigger question is why don't I want them? So this year was about the Wii . Momma- Koog got me the Wii console, Wii Fit and Mario Kart with the Wii wheel. Of course, I wanted every accessory for my Wii that was available on the free market. My Wife, the woman that has the patience of a saint, proved her love once again by getting me the Wii Sports pack with the extra controller, the sports accessory bundle with the tennis racket among other cool things, the controller recharging system, HD cables and all sorts of other awesome Wii things. With the gift cards from my Mother & Sister-in-Law, I got RockBand , Wii Ski, another nunchuk , Rapala Fishing, and the recharger for the Wii fit. I think the only person impressed by my Wii -loot was my neighbor. H...

So, The Wife works out of town and I am left to my own devices during the week. This means I have full responsibility for the house and the feeding of myself and our new puppy, Isaac. Let's just say, I have a different palate than most. I love beans. Beans, beans, beans. Love 'em. Our pantry is stocked with all types of canned beans. Garbanzo, red kidney, pink kidney, lima, Green, and the list goes on and on. As long as I have my beans and vinegar, all is right in the world. Needless to say, I don't need to stock or, even open the fridge since my beans are in cans. Now, Momma-Koog came to visit me and Isaac 2.5 weeks ago. She is Italian and she loves her Koog, so she feeds her Koog. It is always interesting watching the horror on my Mom's face when she looks at the contents of my fridge. This time was no exception. Unfortunately, it has been a few weeks since The Wife has been home, so the fridge is feeling the pain. It was chock full of items that had expired at ...

Wow. It's been to long since I've posted. So much has changed. Here's a brief recap of events over the past 2 years The girlfriend is now the wife My beloved dog passed on The wife and I got a new puppy I am 36 So, that's the brief recap of what's been going on with me. I'm working on another post. Be patient, the Koog is thinking

A lot has happened since I last blogged. I’ve been to Europe and Southeast Asia for work, I nearly burned down my fence grilling shrimp kabobs on my charcoal grill and…let me think, I know there is something else…oh yeah, the Girlfriend moved in with me. I know, I know; “Koog, this is huge! How could you nearly forget to mention that?” Fans calm down…I was just kidding and it is huge, especially for a commitment-phobe like me. So, you may be asking, “Koog, how did this happen?” Well, let me tell you. We have had a long running debate about our living status for quite some time. I think I posted earlier that we were cohabitating between two different domiciles. It worked well for a while, as the one place was close to both of our work locations and the other place was more of a larger, country home. But, in the end, it was taxing and expensive to keep up 2 mortgages and try to balance time at both places. Not to mention that if we’re going to do the whole double-ring-swap thing i...

I think this will be my last post for a while, I think I've lost my inspiration. The girlfriend and I may not make it. "Koog, what the hell happened?" you may ask. The answer is I'm not sure. The other night we were talking, and I broke my cardinal rule; I asked a question I didn't want to hear the answer to. I asked her if she loved me or if she was in love with me. After a pause that seemed like eternal silence, she looked at me with those eyes I know so well, and she didn't have to say a word. That eternal silence turned into an piercing tone that shattered my heart. I know, I know, Koog isn't that sensitive, but I am. After much consultation with friends and family that love us as individuals and as a couple, we come to the conclusion that it's semantics. We agree that we're better together, we love each other too much to walk away. She tells me she's happy, that she's made a mistake, all of the things I want to here, but it...

So, I’m in talking with my officemate, GZ, and she’s telling me about this wedding she must attend in April and she needs a date. This is causing her much stress, which leads to a very stressful workday for Koog. Ever since I’ve known GZ, which has been all of 4 months, she’s been looking for a companion. Now, she’s barking up the wrong tree asking me for dating advice. All of my friends are either married, too old or pervs. A select few are all of the above and I salute each and every one of you! OK, so back to GZ. She needs a date. Here are her criteria (in order of importance): 1. Must be hot. ( if you’re hot , married and pervy are fine) 2. Tall (no midgets will be considered at this time) 3. Witty (I’ve tried to tell her that I’m witty, but alas, I am too short) 4. Must have most, if not all teeth (white-ish is preferred) 5. Clothing is NOT optional (at the wedding, the after party is negotiable) If you’re interested, send an e-mail and a pic to koog.rules@gmail.com. Void wh...

So it’s 2006. My annual tradition of making and breaking New Year’s resolutions is in full swing. On New Year’s Eve, I resolved to: -Work out more (because I’m becoming increasingly porky) -Stop complaining about being coupled (when I’m secretly ecstatic about it) -Stop throwing my clothes on the floor -Clean out my closet to make more room for the Girlfriend’s stuff -Delete the myriad episodes of American Chopper from the Girlfriends TiVo -Give up “Good and Plenty” candy, cold turkey It’s the third week in January, and I have to say, I’m failing miserably on nearly all of my resolutions. I can’t even say, “I’ve tried,” because on some, I haven’t. OK, let’s do a re-cap of my status on each resolution: Work out more —this has already been broken, as I have actually worked out less in all of 2006 than I did in the last week of December 2005. Soon, I’ll need to wear my pants below my belly and exit my house sideways to make room for my girth. After that, it's plumbers crack and a...

So the holidays have arrived. This is the first christmas the Girlfriend and I are celebrating together. I'm an only child and I only have my Mom left in my immediate family. Growing up in a large Italian family, I've been blessed with many cousins (most named Anthony and Marie), but as close as we are, we're not sibs. Blending into a family is hard and being an only child makes sibling issues foreign to me. The Girlfriend, however is the eldest of three. Not 3 mixed siblings, 3 girls. Over the past nine months, I've been immersed in sibling relationships. Going to visit the Middle and her family outside of NY, going to visit the Youngest in PA. It's nice to be part of a family. Youngest and family came to our house for Thanksgiving and it was one of the best holidays of my life. Every family seems to have it's idiosynchratic ways and traditions outsiders don't understand, or will never be a full part of. My new family is not the Waltons, but their no...

Coming to terms with my life as a couple has been a little hard for me. I was a card-carrying single. No ties, no conscience, no problems. I was a field player and boy, did I play the heck out of that field. Now I find myself inextricably bound to someone else and feeling happy about it, but still holding on to that last bit of the single life: living alone. Since I last blogged, so much has happened. I left my old job, started my new one and the girl and I are living together. The first two, while jarring in their own right, were easy to acclimate to, the whole living together thing took more time. So, my new job is in consulting, (of course), and my client is 1.1 miles from the girlfriend’s house. We decided it would be a good idea for me to stay at her place during the week and we would stay at my house in the country on the weekends. To me, this was just “staying over.” One night we are talking about our situation and she blurts out the “we’re living together” comment and I ...

So, the Girlfriend and I have hit some bumps. Lately, I've been feeling a little taken for granted. I know that's a wuss thing to say, but it's true. The honeymoon is over. We don't see each other through the blissful filters and soft lighting that in the beginning made each of us look flawless. Now we're under harsh low-end department-store-like fluorescents that enhance even the most subtle blemishes and cause headaches until your eyes can adjust. In the beginning, the soft focus days, there were e-mails with things like "must do something other than think of you" and "you are always on my mind." Now, I'm lucky if I get complete sentences and a signature. I've never thought of myself as high maintenance, but maybe I am. Is it wrong to want a bit of the niceties back in our relationship? Am I wrong to want this? Am I wrong to feel shortchanged since I'm not getting it? Am I wrong to write about it publicly? I've always been ...

When I'm bored, I sometimes think of how things come to be defined. Like the word "sweet." Who decided what "sweet" was and who created the word? Does "sweet" taste different to me that it is to others? What is my threshold for "sweet" vs. "sour"? I was thinking of this as I drove to work this morning. The Girlfriend and I talked about love this morning. Where is the trip-switch for falling in love? At what point in a relationship do you really feel it? Is there a checklist of things a person has to do to be loved by the other? Is it more qualitative than quantitative? Can you make someone fall in love you? The popular answer is no, but is that really true? When we court and date and caress and compliment, isn't that making someone fall in love with you? Is love simultaneous? After all, you're both experiencing this relationship bliss at the same time, so why wouldn't love develop concurrently? Love is an emotion...

I took my dog swimming this weekend. It's strange to get so much pleasure watching him swim and play. He's truly the light of my life and makes my spirit come alive like few others can. I love him, without condition. I remember when I first got him. Actually, he was a gift from the Ex. We both agree that he was the best thing to happen to either of us. She was very supportive during the most horrible period of my life. I can't ever thank her enough for standing by me during that time. She gave so much during that time. All of it intangible. Except, of course, for my boy. Setting the Scene: I had just come off of a rough year. Cancer diagnosis, treatments, lost weight, lost hope, lost job and frankly, just plain lost. As I sit here writing and reminiscing , I have a hard time recognizing that person with the broken spirit. Mending my spirit was very difficult for me. At 25, I faced my own mortality and the fear associated with that shook me to my core. According to the do...

I've been reading CNN.com obsessively to get the latest on the disaster in NOLA, MS, AL and FLA. Seeing the images of the souls that were lost and those that are left behind fighting to survive is traumatizing even though I am lucky enough to not have any friends or family in harms way. All we can do is watch and support the men and women working to help those suffering in Katrina's wake. Please consider donating to the Red Cross to help in the rescue, recovery and rebuilding efforts. Click here to contribute: https://www.redcross.org/donate/donation-form.asp When I go home tonight I will hug my Girlfriend and my dog , smile at my neighbors, call my Mother and thank God for the roof over my head and the safety of those I love. To my loyal readers: Look around you and appreciate what you have and who you have. Hug your family, friends and pets and never forget how fragile life is.

Seven things you plan to do before you die!! 1. Own a boat 2. Go to Egypt 3. Take my Mom to Italy 4. Take my dog to the ocean 5. Make someone happy 6. Be someone's soulmate 7. Have a pool to swim in at night Seven things you can do!! 1. Play foosball 2. Say "go to your place" in German 3. Drive Fast 4. Think 5. Laugh 6. Play Frisbee with my dog 7. Play the drums and trumpet Seven things you can't do!!! 1. Dance 2. Quit my job 3. Truly express myself to the one's I love 4. Trust people easily 5. Lie to my Girlfriend 6. Clean my garage without help 7. Organize stuff Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex!! (hehe) 1. Brain 2. Sense of Humor 3. Heart 4. Lips 5. Eyes 6. Hair 7. Legs Seven things you say most!!! 1. "I'm sorry" 2. "I hate my job" 3. "I like you a whole heck-of-a-lot" 4. "How much do you need?" 5. "Bailey, NO" 6. "Bailey, I love you" 7. ...

Tonight I'm going to see the Steve Miller Band. They Rock.

OK, anyone familiar with me knows I am usually a clear headed thinker and decision maker, but lately, in my personal life, I’m a disaster. I'm so guarded I can't make rational decisions. My thought processes are clouded by fear and the decisions I make reflect my impaired visibility. So, you may ask, "Koog, why are you so foggy?" Well, for the first time in my life, I'm vulnerable. As I've mentioned before, I've met someone that I care about more deeply than I ever believed I could and have entrusted her with my heart, a part of me that has never before been so exposed to another person. In my previous relationship, my heart was not at risk in the same way. First of all, I was way too young to understand the difference between lust and love. Once I figured out that the lust + time= resentment; 12 years had passed. The Ex and I ended the relationship and started to rebuild our lives alone. Sure, I dated after the break-up and even thought I was in love once...

It's hard to leave something you've been a part of for a number of years. As soon as the decision is made to move on from something you've spent a significant amount of time building, you get nostalgic. Maybe it's not that bad? Maybe the environment will recover? No, none of these things will improve. I'm faced with this situation now. I've been with something for a few years, worked tirelessly to make it better, took it to the pinnacle, watched it nearly crumble and now need to make the hard decision to move on. Personally, I need to be challenged and this situation lent itself to that perfectly. Facing multiple, seemingly insurmountable, intellectual obstacles was fun to me. Everyday was unique. Everyone on the team was brilliant and dedicated. Each day we faced different challenges, dealt with difficult personalities, but we were all committed to a common goal: personal and professional growth with monetary rewards for all. We were pure-hearted capitalists. B...