konfessions of the Koog

Life is never dull with the Koog twins. Before we left for our summer vacation, Mrs. Koog and the boys stripped the wallpaper in their bathroom (a jack and Jill adjoining room with 2 sinks and then a toilet and shower behind a different door) and tore down drywall to prep for a pocket door. Upon further reflection based on degree of difficulty and time constraints, Mrs. Koog decided to outsource the pocket door installation. This morning, A, our neighbor and general contractor came over to survey what we need done and give us an estimate. Poor guy, after being sniffed head to toe from Betsy the dog, he had to endure my contracts call. Pretty sure he was not jealous of my job after listening to 10 seconds of that call. We enter the bathroom through E-Koog’s room because B-Koog’s room should be condemned by the health department. Once in the bathroom, we close the door to E’s room so A can take measurements. Nothing really out of the ordinary or strange at this point. Once A is don...

Before Mrs. Koog came into my life I was like a piece of space junk orbiting the atmosphere, dangerously bumping into other junk. I wasn’t lost per se, I was just going around in a big circle. I thought I was in love with another woman, Island Girl, that lived outside of the US. Actually, she had just told me she was looking to move to the States when I met the Missus. We met online. It’s kind of funny, actually. A friend of mine saw the craziness of my orbit and took matters into her own hands. She signed me up for every online dating platform available in 2004. Match, Plenty of Fish, E-Harmony, even J-Date and I’m not Jewish! I was amused and mildly annoyed at my friend after telling her I met and liked Island Girl. I thought I’d taken all the profiles down and on Valentine’s Day 2005 I got an email. Except, I wasn’t there to receive it, I was on my way to visit Island Girl. After my visit I returned home to an email from this new girl. There was no photo. Ick. I’m self aware eno...

How can we be going home when it feels like we just arrived? These magical 30 day gave us so many core memories and so many more laughs. The UK and the Republic of Ireland is an amazing place filled with just salt of the earth people. It’s cliche, but I’m going home changed. Not just because I have a raging rash from COVID, but because I feel like a piece of my heart will remain here, specifically North Wales, but the UK nonetheless. But, we have no time for long, sentimental goodbyes as we need to vacate the flat of 1000 steps by 10am! Our flight is not until 7pm, but considering the fragile health of the family we are going to Heathrow and relaxing there until it’s time to board. We have no energy to walk around outside with 5 suitcases and 4 backpacks. Our Airbnb host allowed us to leave our bags in the flat until 11 so we could get a bite to eat for breakfast before heading to LHR. We found a super cute al fresco breakfast cafe and bakery. Mrs. Koog and the boys had baked goods...

Here we are, the last full day of our amazing UK holiday. Before leaving the US, we purchased ridiculously expensive (£750.00) tickets to the Harry Potter Studio Tour in Leavesden, just outside of London. They will not consider a refund and we were advised to just come anyway. B-Koog was on the upswing, I was not feverish and E and Mrs. Koog were healthy. So, we all donned masks, hailed a car and rode to Leavesden. The driver dropped us off in front of Warner Bros. Studio and we walked into the building. I started to feel very lightheaded and dizzy simultaneously, the alarms on both my phone and Apple Watch were blasting. Apparently due to the mask, my O2 levels were below 90%. We found a corner near the door and sat down so I could take some deep breaths. I enquired again about a refund since now I could not wear a mask without oxygen deprivation. Still no refund or even a credit for when we return next summer. So, I did my best…I had my mouth covered and kept my nose out and stayed...

We woke up tied to the pier in Dover. Disembarkation day. I don’t have the best luck on debarkation day… The last time the boys and I had a disembarkation day was in NYC in April as the end of our spring break Caribbean Cruise. That fateful morning in April, E-Koog had been sick all night and Mrs. Koog was getting ready to head to the front desk to see if we could get off early so as to not spread norovirus among our co-travelers. The 5am conversation went like this: Mrs. Koog: “Koog, where are my pants?” Me (still in a sleep coma): “I don’t understand” Mrs. Koog: “I don’t have my pants. Where are my pants?” Me: “I don’t understand” Mrs. Koog (frantically searching drawers, closet, under beds and in backpacks): “I. DO. NOT. HAVE. PANTS. WHERE. ARE. MY. PANTS?” Me: “You don’t have pants?” Mrs. Koog (annoyed and amused) “Correct, I do not have pants.” So, as to not duplicate this conversation as we prepared to disembark this cruise, I have emergency pants for all of us hidden...