konfessions of the Koog

When we were in the UK for a month in 2023, Mrs. Koog did all the driving. I will admit, she hit nothing and no one. She got us safely from London to Bath to North Wales to Liverpool and all over Scotland until we turned in our car in Edinburgh. And when we turned in that car, it was pristine. No dings, dents, scratches or bumps. As I have written in the past few entries my trip was magical and healing and all those things trips should be. With one exception, driving. I was nervous when I booked the trip that I would forget to stay to the left and cause an international incident on the M4. Apparently, staying to the left would not be the problem. No, my problem was staying too far to the left. For some reason, I completely lost my depth perception on the left (passenger side). This issue wasn’t a real problem on the motorway as there was a shoulder and every time I’d cross the line I was able to correct immediately. The drive from Heathrow to Conwy, Wales was uneventful until I go...

Hello Koog Fans! It’s been a minute since I’ve posted.Those that actually know me, understand life has thrown a lot at me these past 18 months or so. I think it’s important to be honest about my hiatus, I have been taking care of my mental health. In the span of 18 months, Mrs. Koog had breast cancer and a double mastectomy, I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, Mrs. Koog endured painful reconstruction, then complications with reconstruction and one final surgery on July 5, then Momma Koog got sick, then Momma Koog got sicker, then Momma Koog moved into our family room, then we had our house turned upside down for hardwood floors upstairs and finally we had a chairlift installed so Momma Koog could have an actual bedroom with an actual bathroom. Oh yeah, I also had a full body blister rash that started in October and was not going away in spite of the dermatologist giving me every frickin cream, gel and lotion known to man. And it itched. And it wasn’t chicken pox or shingles, it...

When Mrs. Koog got the breast cancer diagnosis, she decided her course of treatment would be double mastectomy with autologous reconstruction. Since they couldn't do the surgery in one procedure due to surgical suite availability for the duration of the ~20 hour surgery, it was done in 2 parts. Double mastectomy and implants for a while then the autologous reconstruction a few months later. While Mrs. Koog looked amazing with her new bubbies, they were aggressive. Like Real Housewives aggressive. That look is really not Mrs. K's jam. Plus, she had many nightmares of puncturing those babies while she did one of her less glamorous chores like chainsawing trees or digging ditches. Suffice it to say, she wanted them out and her own tissue in. The plastic surgeon she sees is amazing. And very handsome. And he looks like he is 14. Anyway, he could not stop admiring his handiwork at every appointment. It was almost creepy...almost. He was very honest about the surgery and the rec...

(Disclaimer: My thoughts are scattered these days. Trying to put together a coherent narrative is hard. Please be kind with any criticism of my rambling. These are my thoughts and feelings as I’m experiencing them in real-time.) I feel like I’m caught in a rip current of sadness and grief. It’s a funny thing, grief. It’s like an insidious wave of water just waiting to pull me from safety and stability. Lately, everything has become a trigger. EVERYTHING. Songs, leftovers in the fridge, memories, pictures, driving, soccer games, groceries…like I said, everything. We spent last weekend driving to and from upstate NY to return Momma-Koog home after watching the boys for us the prior weekend. I drove E-Koog, Mrs. Koog and Momma-Koog last Friday night. B-Koog, the newly minted Leader of his Scout Patrol, was at a Camporee last weekend. Anyway, we picked up E-Koog from school at lunchtime and got on the road for the 7 hour ride to the 518. About 25 miles into the drive, I bega...